CONFESSION OF A LONER

Shakespeare’s “All The World’s A Stage” suggests the stage of “lover” after the “whining school boy”. He was somehow correct.

However, the description of the Lover was too general, because we, the Loners, never happen to be “sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad, made to his mistress’ eyebrow”. Why? Come on, we’re Loners after all! We don’t have any “mistress” to evince our love, but what we do dabble in is the game of “crush”. Or well, crushes. We’re made of the shyest concoction, disabling us to utter our deepest feelings towards any nymph we fancy.

And we’re many types. Manly, nerd, intelligent, industrious, sometimes weirdo with dripping snots . . . even skinny and classy, in a rare and special case. Our looks really don’t much differ to the those of the Lovers’ – and might even sometimes be better. The thing that creates us are the indefinite world of imagination, prolonged boundless thoughts that exist in our supple minds, which injects hesitation into our course of actions, and the unwillingness to withstand the power of rejection. Ah, rejection! the greatest power that a lady doth ever possess, to destroy the ego of man into a quailing, mewling mess. Nonetheless, lasses are weak, they always forget, easily misusing the power they have, or maybe even never deign to inspect and detect a chap’s quiet eyes. Yeah, we say what we see, but still we, the Loners are weaker and rather paralyzed, and hence could never hope to show off our gallantry and render the daintiest girl of our taste any “fake” paradise. Our true and pure hearts have never been noticed, much less appreciated.

Sigh. After all, it is these things that define us.

There are the occasional girls that we meet – or fancy, to be more accurate. And even in these occasions we have to deal with crocodiles and rabbits – ask not why they are given those names, but know that these animal terms describe the quintessence of a “playboy”, a guy who suddenly turns amicable and garrulous when they spot a fabulous young maid.

Dear readers, we may be shy, but that does not mean that we will bow down our heads to our loathsome competitors! In most of the events we only glared with our blazing eyes, frowns on our faces, darkly imagining the hundred and one ways to unplug their teeth from gums, one by one, until they pledge to not approach her any longer; or perhaps evolve into Hulk’s body, but not literally hefty or muscular, just the green part of Hulk, developing our envy and jealousy, and yet despite all the malice and vengeance in our hearts – in the end we simply move on. “I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter”. This lyrics always spark in our brain, but in fact, we don’t even try. We are Loners, we don’t fight!

One thing we frequently swollen our pride in is when discussing about our resourcefulness. Sometimes, even the “animals” ask for our assistance in pursuing their game. When we fall into the valley of beauty of our crush, we conduct our research thoroughly day and night. We make the maximum utility of all media. Of course, there is the slight problem of the “friend request”. You might bewilderingly inquire, “What? Just a single click, how could you have such difficulty?”.

Well, welcome to our bizarre world.

When we are not satisfied with our findings, we will undergo a detailed examination of her friends’ and relatives’ accounts. People call it “stalking” but that is not a felony or a misdemeanor. The posts are for public view after all! We always feel pleased to know she does this and that.

“Ouh, she has a twin! More choice, yummy. What? She schooled there? OMG, she learned Karate-do? Wait this can’t be true, her birthday is just six month from mine.”

Sometimes nothing is promising about her plain life because what we only require is her persuasive daintiness, spellbinding sanguine smile, with a little bit wisdom, clean history and regular Body Mass Index (BMI). For your information, regular BMI is paramount, really. A maiden with a spare tyre around her belly, stovepipe legs and calf-sized arms begs us to beat a hasty retreat. Oh! And also a “clean” history.

Occasionally, our sweetheart is just a spread of a fart away from us. Or to be more precise, the sound of a fart away from us. Yeah, wink wink! She blows up our minds in a way that makes us unable to concentrate, and her adorable sneezes shake our ribs and throb our hearts. We will act so differently and actively to catch her tiniest attention. Sporadically, when we are walking with friend of ours, and she’s around, he will call her name loudly, “Hi, Felicityyy!” as an example. At that moment, it is distinctly fathomable that we are dealing with an adversary from within our sleeves. “Ouh, crumzz! How dare you?” whisper our alarmed hearts. But what can we do? Call her name louder? Nein! The spirit of a warrior who will never accept another defeat suddenly  materializes and possesses us. Upon reaching our room we will immediately organize a detailed plan and strategy to avoid losing another girl. No retreat, no surrender! Unfortunately our plans are usually as futile as the next . . . “Loser oetori sen choekhaneun geopchaengi…” . Out of nowhere, Big Bang’s Loser is played in our soul.

Share our feelings with others? Step over our grave first. Pee on it second. Or NEVER! All that we have we keep them painstakingly in our minds, never to share or publish anywhere. Sometimes we write in our secret diaries, but still it is not the full account of our story. These stories cannot be leaked by hook or by crook! And after all, we change, we move on, we don’t hold our feelings too long as they burden our shoulder. The language we use is unfathomable except to ourselves. We make it a cipher. No one can read between the lines. Maybe this is the only account of Loners you might have. One last thing you should comprehend, Loners do not recognize nor interact with other Loners! All narration is basically made by a single Loner. Singular pronouns.

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