Goodbye

She watched as she tries to climb the green tube to the second floor. She couldn’t make it. Every movement was an agony. With both paws vainly holding the sides, she was just..stuck there…not being able to pull herself up, and yet, she still tried. She didn’t know how she felt when she was watching her.

Will she live? Will she die?

But..she felt her heart sank as she watched her left paw slip, and all that was clinging to the side of the tube was her right.

She thought that it was strange. It definitely was an odd sight. To see such a small creature in such a strangely humane pose. Her paw desperately clung to the side of the tube with whatever life it still had, and , she felt her heart flutter with the faintest of hope, maybe – but it disappeared as instantly as it had appeared, as that one, small, shivering paw simply couldn’t hold out any longer, slip, and fell – and along with it, her body.

She stared as the small mound of fur slide down the green tube, and wondered at how weak it was, how fragile it was, and how dull its eyes had become. She held her breath as the body lay still, unmoving.

Is it..dead…?

She felt her heart sank deeper. Just slightly, then –

When to bury her?

But, she must confirm. Gently, she stroked the grey fluff. It moved a bit. She called out her name. To her bittersweet surprise, she reacted to the name she gave her.

That silly, stupid name.

Why?

Why did it have to be you?

Why now…?

She knew she had neglected her for a bit. She was sick. And she waited for her to heal. But she knew…she didn’t pay much attention to the sick little one.

It was defected.

She waited and hoped for whatever was ailing her to simply go away. After all, she did survive an attack.

But…

I didn’t pay attention to her.

She watched as its life slowly tick away.

Deep down, she knew – maybe, tonight would be her last.

She thought that it wouldn’t matter. Then… for a painful, split second – as if her brain wants to remind her that she’s still human – forced images to flood her shrewd mind, compelling her to remember:

The first time she had seen her at the store

How bright, small and lively it had been

The joy she felt when she had trained it to stand

The sense of happiness and fulfilment as she gave it seeds

The first time she had let her run in her plastic ball

The amusement she had felt as she recorded videos of her eating –

For a moment, just a brief moment – she felt a sense of loss.

For a moment, just a brief moment – she felt that melancholic ache in her chest, as if someone had grabbed and held it – not allowing for it to beat, to move – that ache. Such a painful, mournful ache.

She remembered, just a few days ago – despite being sick, being in pain, she still stood when her name was called.

Not wanting to watch anymore, she left it on its own for a while. Maybe..it’ll go away soon. Her sickness.

Just…just give her some time..yeah…

When she came back, she saw it in a corner of the cage. She’s never seen a dead one before, but she can recognize death when she sees it. She looked at the now-lifeless-heap-of-fur, its paws fixed into a curl, as if frozen in pain; the fur, what was once a beautiful, pearl grey – now stained and tainted with traces of sickness, and her eyes slowly traced the cause of her pain – what looked like a bruised anus clogged with faeces.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.

She knew…she didn’t pay it much attention….the whole time..anyway..Who could play with a sick creature? Who would have the patience to play with something that would leave a trail of diarrhoea on your hand the whole time?

She waited for the wave of regret to come.

It didn’t. The ache remained, though. That dull, painful ache.

…Thanks..for the memories…

 

Goodbye.

 

 

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