Unspoken

I remember the first time we met

I recall the moment I saw you

It was a dark, rainy day

My clothes were soaked

My car had just broke

I was frustrated

The slight drizzle evolved into a downpour in mere seconds

I was running and jumping hurdles – skipping in the rain

I saw you swearing and cussing amidst the noise

You were amusing

It was during lunch

That I saw your plate tipping to the side

As I stretched over the counter to take the fruit punch

You stopped my soup from spilling outside

A clumsy child

A kindly gentleman

Our eyes met.

You idiot

Who are you?

Why are you so stupid

I wanted to know who you are

What are you doing?

Talk to me

Stop following me

Sit with me

Stay away

Remain, please

What did you want?

Scars of past loves

Formed an icy wall

I wasn’t ready to love

I didn’t want to recall

The fleeting flurry of irregular pulses

The short glances, the whimsical glimpses

My planned trips to run into you by ‘chance’

I hoped that it wasn’t a one-sided romance

At one point in time,

I’ve begun to see it –

The magic that you gave off

The mirth you brought to me

Finally, you began to realize

The joy that I wanted to share with you

The little talks that I wanted to have with you

The moments in which I spent with you

What were you to me?

Toxic laughter

Gentle eyes

Blur face

Physiology ace

Clumsy movements

Cold shoulder

That giddy expression

That overwhelming confidence

Your hidden sadness

Your watchful gaze

The secrets you kept

The messages you read

The barrier that you saw

The loneliness that I felt

I wanted to let you know

I wanted you to know

‘I want to make you whole again’

But, how did you feel?

How would I know –

If all of this was actually real

Would you accept, or would you reject?

I wasn’t sure about how you felt

They way you talked to others, the way you talked to me

For some reason, I couldn’t differentiate

The ‘we’ that I wanted, was it actually not meant to be?

Frustrated, I kept quiet

Confused, I remained silent

What we have now,

I don’t want to lose

But I want more!

Please don’t go

Your words (or are they your lies?)

It hurts – these feelings inside

Am I being played, the only one that actually tries?

Ah! It hurts! Please – let these feelings simply slip by!

You were in agony

I couldn’t speak

You were avoiding me

I didn’t want to see

I wanted you to tell me

I wasn’t sure if you would listen

Between us, what happened?

***

I saw you today

I passed by someone familiar

You were wearing that dress again

I felt someone’s stare

For a brief moment,

My hand reached out

To grasp that small wrist

And smirk at that once-familiar pout

I wanted to hurry

That shirt, those eyes – ah again,

my heart is beating furiously

Faster, quicker – don’t let this moment remain

My regrets

My pained heart

How I wished that how I felt

Ah, how I yearned if only my feelings

Had not remained unspoken.

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